


First Time in Toronto

by unoriginal_liz



Series: lwd himym au of doom [6]
Category: Life with Derek
Genre: AU, F/M, Inspired by How I Met Your Mother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-17
Updated: 2012-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-23 22:12:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7481865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unoriginal_liz/pseuds/unoriginal_liz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It’s day six of my new life.  A new life without hopes and dreams.  Everything is darker here.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	First Time in Toronto

**_“Kids, don’t get me wrong – the summer I started dating your Aunt Casey was great. It felt like things were finally happening for me. It felt like my life was finally heading in a more serious direction than ‘hanging out with friends’…I mean – sure we were still hanging out, but it felt more purposeful now.”_ **

**_“Kind of completely unlike the story of how you met Mom, huh?”_ **

**_“ – but, even though things were mostly great…I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something – missing. And that was…oh. Um…”_ **

**_“…”_ **

**_“…”_ **

**_“…”_ **

**_“…Dad? Is something wrong? Are you trying to create suspense or something? Because, I hate to disappoint you, but – we already know how this one ends.”_ **

**_“Yeah, we’re just kind of stuck on when.”_ **

**_“No, no…it’s just…I’m trying to figure out how I should tell this story. See, the thing that was missing from my relationship with your Aunt Casey, was kind of a – sensitive subject. And probably not something we should be talking about” –_ **

**_“Dad – tell me you don’t mean…”_ **

**_“ – except I can’t tell the story without mentioning this – issue. But I think I’ve worked out an acceptable compromise” –_ **

**_“It’s like a nightmare – I know something bad is going to happen if I stay here, but I can’t make my legs move.”_ **

**_“ – so how about, I tell the story, but every time the sensitive issue comes up, I’ll disguise it, by using another word instead?”_ **

**_“Dad, up to now, I’ve been mostly bored” –_ **

**_“And grossed out – don’t forget grossed out!”_ **

**_“ – but now…now I’m actually scared.”_ **

****

**_*****_ **

****

**_“Like I said, things were pretty much perfect with your Aunt Casey. It felt like we’d been dating for years instead of weeks. But, from the beginning, there was just one little problem…”_ **

Next to Derek on the couch, Sam fidgeted. Derek ignored him, looking down at the magazine in his hands.

“Do you think it’s weird that Casey and I still haven’t – snuggled?” Sam asked suddenly.

Derek stared at him for a second before going back to his magazine. “No,” he said, disinterestedly flicking a page.

Sam sagged with relief. “You don’t? Me either. I mean – this whole dating thing is still new to us, and neither of us want to rush things, so…it makes sense that we would wait, right?”

Derek turned another page. “Whatever you say, dude.” 

Sam tapped the fingers of his right hand against his knee. “So…why aren’t _you_ surprised?”

“Movie ratings,” Derek said vaguely. He flipped to the last page.

“Movie ratings,” Sam repeated.

Derek shrugged. “The thought of you and Casey makes me nauseous. Total audience turn off.”

Dryly, Sam informed him, “Yeah, well, snuggling is a private, intimate activity – we weren’t exactly planning on inviting an audience.” 

Derek flipped the magazine over to the front cover again, and began flicking through it once more, pages flashing by at speed. “The point is, no-one wants to think about you two getting down to some hot and heavy snuggling. You and Casey are a G-rated feature, and for the sake of everything I’ve ever eaten – you need to stay that way.”

 

*****

 

_**“Dad. I don’t know what’s worse – that you expect us to buy that Uncle Derek would actually say something like ‘hot and heavy snuggling’…or that in this situation, I really, really want to believe he said it.”** _

_**“It wasn’t a big deal, really – it was more of a…vague niggling. I mean, there were a lot of reasons that could explain why we hadn’t taken that – final step. For example, there was…”** _

“Hey,” Sam said. He sat up in bed and smiled at Casey, who was peeping into his room.

“Hi,” she said, entering and sitting on the bed. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s okay,” he said, leaning forward, and kissing her. He pulled back to tell her, “You beat my rooster-booster alarm clock any day.”

He moved toward her again, but she bent backwards. “Sorry,” she said, “I can’t stay. I really came to see Sheldon.”

Sam blinked. “You’re not giving _him_ a wake-up call, right?”

She smiled. “It’s time for our morning affirmations.”

**_“Kids – when your Aunt Emily left, your Uncle Sheldon didn’t take it well. As a matter of fact, a couple of hours after she’d gone…”_ **

Holding hands and still flushed with the excitement of new love, Sam and Casey tripped into his apartment – only to stop, giddiness abruptly disappearing.

“Sheldon – what’s going on?” Sam asked.

Sheldon looked up from where he was sitting, cross-legged on the couch, busily shredding his shirts with a scissors. With a decisive snip that caused a cuff to fall onto the floor, he said, “She left.”

Sam and Casey exchanged a concerned, confused look. “What?”

“Emily left me,” Sheldon said. “She called off the wedding, and – she left me.” He stared down at the pile of dissected shirts in his lap before reaching for a pair of pants. 

“Did you two have a fight?” Casey asked. She moved over to the couch (taking a giant step over the small mountain of suit jackets on the floor), and said, “I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think it is – maybe she just needs a little space.” She rubbed his shoulder comfortingly. 

“Maybe. I mean, she left me for Sydney,” Sheldon informed her. “Separate continents…that’s pretty spacious, right?”

Casey’s intake of breath was audible. “She’s gone to _Australia?_ ”

“Is she coming back?” Sam asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe,” Sheldon said, staring down at his lap. He held up the pair of navy suit pants in his left hand, and with careful, calm focus, sliced them just above the knee. “She said something about needing to find herself.”

“Wow,” Sam said, sinking onto the arm of the couch next to Sheldon. “Wow.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry man. I don’t know – what to say.” He watched Sheldon snip the other knee of his pants. “Except…why are you cutting up all your clothes?”

“They’re not my clothes,” Sheldon informed him. “They belong to that other Sheldon – the one who had a fiancée and a future. I don’t have either of those things anymore.”

“So…you shouldn’t have clothes, either?” Sam asked. Gently he put his hand over Sheldon’s, stilling the movement of the scissors.

“Sam’s right,” Casey said, gripping Sheldon’s other arm. “Sheldon – you’re in shock. You need to stop, and think about what you’re doing.”

“Oh, I have,” Sheldon assured her. “There’s really only one way this can go. I’ve lost the best thing in my life – clearly, it’s a downward spiral from here on out. Without Emily, I won’t have the motivation to finish law school, or hold down a job, or maintain an adequate standard of personal hygiene.” He shrugged. “I just thought, why not get a head start on the whole process?”

He looked at Casey and gestured. “Can you pass me that suit jacket?” There was a snick as he opened the scissors again.

*****

**_“I did say that your Uncle Sheldon didn’t take the break-up well, right? Because – he really didn’t take it well…”_ **

When Sam, Casey and Derek entered the apartment, Sheldon’s voice made them jump. “How was the first date?”

“It – got a little side-tracked,” Sam said, with a glance at the vague Derek shape to his left.

“Sheldon – why is it so dark?” Casey asked.

“Black-out blinds,” Sheldon told her. “The fabric is thicker than in standard blinds, which reduces the amount of light that can pass through.”

Derek flicked the switch on the wall and as Sheldon flinched from the light, Sam said, “I think what Casey _meant_ is – why are you sitting here in the dark?”

“It’s day six of my new life. A new life without hopes and dreams. Everything is darker here.”

“Maybe that’s because of the black-out blinds?” Derek suggested, his tone a vocal eye-roll.

Casey froze. “Sheldon – what’s that smell?”

Sam sniffed and a similarly arrested look appeared on his face. “Yeah. No offence…but it kind of smells like you haven’t showered in six months.”

“Good,” Sheldon said. “Then I’m ahead of schedule.”

**_“Obviously, as his friends, we had to do something to help him. I took care of the physical stuff – making him shower, making him eat, making him wear clothes, and your Aunt Casey took care of his emotional needs with morning affirmations” –_ **

“ – I am beautiful and desirable, and I deserve love,” Sheldon repeated.

“Well?” Casey asked. “It’s been six weeks and we’ve been practicing every day. Do you feel any differently?”

Sheldon considered it as he examined his reflection in the mirror Casey was holding up. “I guess I do feel a little sassier.”

**_“It was a long and painful process…but it finally felt like we were getting somewhere. And at least we’d convinced Sheldon to stop growing the beard. It was time for someone else to step in, and do his job. See, there was only one other person in our group who could show Sheldon how to be single again...”_ **

“I don’t know if Sheldon’s ready for this,” Casey fretted. “I mean – what if Derek undoes all our good work?”

“Sheldon has to get out there sometime,” Sam said. “Besides, if there’s one thing Derek is qualified to teach, it’s this. He hasn’t had a girlfriend in years.”

“Yes, but do we really want Sheldon to follow Derek’s commitment-phobic example? Don’t we want Sheldon to find happiness again?”

“Well, yeah – but before he can do that, he’s got to go through _this_ , and be single for a while.” Sam paused. “Anyway…won’t it be kind of nice to have some time to ourselves? I thought we could stay in – have a proper first date, since the last one was ruined.”

Casey smiled at him. “That does sound nice.”

**_“And it probably would have been, except…”_ **

“I don’t think he’s coming,” Sheldon said in a small voice.

**_“Don’t get me wrong – we still got to have our meal, and we even watched our movie…the night just didn’t end the way I thought it would.”_ **

“Derek, I am going to _kill_ you!” Casey whispered into her cell phone, while Sam watched her from the couch. “Sheldon is very vulnerable right now, and he needs our support!”

Sam sighed and looked down at Sheldon, head in his lap, curled up asleep.

**_“So I talked to your Uncle Derek” –_ **

“Dude – I get that you’re not into the whole couple-thing, and I get that…but, you need to respect that Casey and I are together.”

“How can I respect it – you two haven’t even snuggled yet.”

Sam made a frustrated sound. “Well, maybe we _would_ if we got some time to ourselves.”

Derek looked away.

“I’m just saying, this Sheldon thing could – work out for everyone. He needs to learn how to be single…you need someone to be single with…Casey and I need a break…so could you maybe take him out sometimes?” In a softer voice, he asked, “Please?”

Derek studied the wall of the bar for a long second before finally saying, “Okay.”

**_“ – but that actually didn’t solve anything.”_ **

“This is nice,” Casey said, smiling at Sam, who wrapped an arm around her shoulder. 

“Yeah,” he agreed. “Just you and me, a good movie…” He picked up the remote control.

Casey let her head fall onto his shoulder. Absently, she said, “I’m still a little surprised that Derek showed this time. I kind of expected him to pull another disappearing act.”

“Well he didn’t, and tonight, it’s just the two of us,” Sam said again. As he leaned in to kiss her, however, there was a beep, and Casey reached forward to grab the cell phone on the coffee table.

“It’s Derek,” she said. “He’s sent you a message.” She looked at him and he shrugged, which she took as permission to open it. She blinked. “It’s a picture. Of Sheldon.” She settled back onto the couch, frowning down at the cell phone – only to sit bolt upright as she realised –

“And is that a tattoo parlour?” She showed the picture to Sam. “He took Sheldon to a _tattoo parlour?_ ” She leapt to her feet.

“Maybe it’s not what it” – Sam began, only to be cut off by Casey grabbing his coat and tossing it at him. “Come on – we’re going to stop this!”

**_“Of course, it wasn’t what it seemed” –_ **

Casey stood toe to toe with Derek, jabbing a finger at his chest as she said, “Listen to me – I have invested too much effort into helping Sheldon to let you ruin everything.”

Derek batted aside her accusing finger as he said, “Relax – Sheldon’s not getting a tattoo.”

“Then why are you in a tattoo parlour?” Casey asked, narrowing her eyes.

“So that I can get to know _her_ ,” Derek said, jerking his thumb over his shoulder, to where the tattoo artist was standing, arms crossed, looking less than approachable. He leaned in and said, in a lower voice, “Though I think you might have managed to mess that up too. Thanks.”

They glowered at each other, while Sam tried to diffuse the tension. “Yeah but – you can’t blame us for jumping to conclusions,” he said, reasonably. “I mean – you sent a picture of Sheldon in a tattoo parlour – it was kind of like you _wanted_ us to think he was getting a tattoo.”

Behind them, a customer showed off her body art to Sheldon. 

“ – on my back, and then I decided I wanted a butterfly on my hip…” She pulled her t-shirt up and her skirt down a little to show him.

Sheldon swayed slightly and asked, “So…why are there two of them?”

She shrugged. “I thought the first one looked lonely.”

_**“And then…your Aunt Emily came back.”** _

*****

**_“Of course, she didn’t show up there, at the tattoo parlour. That would have been weird. But later, when we all went back to the apartment…”_ **

“ – wasn’t a total washout,” Sam said, as he turned his key in the lock. He turned the knob. “I mean, Sheldon did get” –

He stopped, as did everyone else, staring at the familiar figure on the couch.

“Emily?” Sheldon said, breaking the silence. He took a step forward.

“Em!”

“Hey, Case,” Emily said, with a small smile, but her eyes quickly sought out Sheldon again.

“You came back,” he said, sounding stunned. 

She got to her feet. “I came back,” she agreed.

“Um – maybe we should let you guys have some privacy,” Sam said, backing out of the door, a move that forced Derek and Casey to do likewise.

**_“Kids, I expected your Uncle Sheldon and Aunt Emily’s reunion to go a certain way. Actually, I think we all did…”_ **

“Do you think they’re going to get back together?” Casey asked, as they sat on the floor of the hallway outside Sam’s apartment.

“Why wouldn’t they?” Sam said. “I mean, we know how Sheldon’s been without her” –

“Well, _most_ of us do,” Casey said, shooting a poisonous look at Derek.

“Hey – I spent time with him. What do you call tonight?”

“An abuse of trust.”

“– why else would Emily be here?” Sam finished, ignoring the by-play between Derek and Casey.

Nobody spoke for a few moments. Then, “It’s kind of quiet in there,” Casey said. “I don’t hear anyone talking.”

“You think they’re already snuggling on the couch?”

**_“Eugh! Dad!”_ **

**_“But it didn’t happen like that. We found out afterwards, that it went more like this…”_ **

“So…” Sheldon fidgeted on his side of the couch. “How are you?”

“I’m good,” Emily assured him from her end. “Good. And you?”

“Yeah. Yeah. Good.” He looked down at his lap as he asked, “And – how was Australia?”

“Good,” she said again. “It was good. Interesting.”

“I’m…sure it was.” Sheldon nodded. “It’s where the black box flight recorder was invented.”

There was a silence.

“And now – you’re back,” Sheldon said. There was a hint of a question in his words, even as he stared resolutely ahead.

“Yeah,” Emily said. “I’m back.” 

“Okay,” he said.

She cleared her throat. “I – just…I wanted to say that – I’m sorry.”

He looked over at her.

“For the way I left,” she explained. She turned her body to face him. “I really never meant to hurt you.”

“It’s okay,” he said. “It – was the right thing to do.”

“Wow,” she said, voice quiet. “I never thought I’d hear you say that.”

The smile he gave in answer was a little wry.

“I could have handled things differently,” she admitted suddenly.

“I could have handled some things better too,” he said. “I got a little” – he held up a hand and tilted it from side to side, “ – intense about the wedding.”

Emily didn’t say anything.

“But when you left,” he said, “I found out that – I didn’t really know what to do. I didn’t know who I was without you. I needed to find that out too.”

“And who are you now?” she asked.

He shrugged. “Pretty much the same guy I was when I was with you. Except, you know – without you.”

Emily nodded. “You know – I found out who I was too. And – I finally figured out what I want.”

“And what do you want?”

She took a breath and said, “You. And marriage. And kids.” She smiled a little. “And a really really flame retardant home.”

Sheldon stared. “Wow. I wasn’t really expecting...”

Emily swallowed. “So – do you think that maybe we could…?”

“Um,” he said slowly. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”

“Oh.”

“I mean, it’s you. And me. And – I just started seeing someone…”

Emily blinked. “Oh. You…wow. That’s – that’s great.” She tried to smile.

“It’s not serious,” Sheldon said immediately. “We haven’t even been on a date yet…”

“Oh,” she said again. “How did you two – meet?”

“In a tattoo parlour.”

“Wow,” Emily said. “Just – wow.” She took a deep breath and let it out. 

“I just think maybe we should give things some more time – not rush back into anything,” he explained.

Emily did a strange half head-nod, half head-shake. “Yeah. That – that makes sense.” 

Abruptly, she stood. “Well – I should probably” –

“But – it’s you,” Sheldon said, mimicking her movement and getting to his feet. “And me.”

She stilled. “What are you saying, Sheldon?”

He swallowed. “I’m saying…how would you feel about an open relationship?”

Emily took this in. “You mean – you want to date me…while you date other women?” She smiled a wide, tooth-exposing smile that didn’t reach her eyes. 

“…Really?” she asked, somehow managing to speak without moving her lower jaw.

**_“Of course, after that, there was no chance of things going back to normal – and no chance of your Aunt Casey and I getting some time to ourselves.”_ **

**_"I bleed for you two, Dad. From the eyes."_ **

“You mean when you asked him to get back together, Sheldon asked you, the girl he’s been dating since college, the person he planned to _marry_ – if you’d be okay with an open relationship?” Casey shook her head. “I’m cutting down on his morning affirmations,” she said. “There’s ‘sassy’ and then there’s ‘out of line’.”

“I’m going to do it,” Emily said, a look of determination on her face.

“What?” Casey stared at her. “Em – don’t you think it’s completely degrading and humiliating?”

“Thanks for pointing that out, Case,” Emily said dryly. She sighed. “But – I hurt Sheldon when I left. I can’t blame him for not being ready to totally commit again.”

“Well, okay, but…are _you_ ready to see him dating other girls – while he’s dating you? Then _you’re_ the one getting hurt, Em.”

Emily shook her head slightly. “If I want Sheldon back – I have to show him that I’m serious about this – that he can’t scare me away this time.” 

As if she was just realizing something, she said, “I need to be… _Sheldon_.”

“You need to be Sheldon?” Casey looked confused.

“Yeah. I mean – in college, it wasn’t exactly a case of love at first sight. It took a while for Sheldon to persuade me to give him a chance. So now…it’s my turn to do that for him.”

“By letting him date other women?”

“One or two dates with some girl who’s never going to _get_ him…it’ll probably even help him remember how great we are together. It’s not going to take that long,” she assured Casey. “And anyway, I dated some other guys while Sheldon was trying to convince me to go out with him.” As if she was trying to convince herself, Emily added, “It’ll be just like it was in college.”

Casey looked at her, a worried crease forming between her eyebrows. “Except…you’re not in college anymore.”

_**"Kids – your Aunt Casey was right. The relationship your Aunt Emily and Uncle Sheldon had in college was very different to the one they had now – and trying to pretend that everything was okay led to situations like this one" –** _

Sheldon wandered out from his bedroom and asked, “Hey, Em – do you remember the name of that restaurant we went to for our anniversary?”

“Terroni?” Emily said, looking up from the couch with a smile. “How could I forget? Remember the candles?”

“Yeah. Those servers were really fast on the draw with those water jugs,” Sheldon said, with a misty air of recollection. He shook himself. “Anyway, I was wondering if you still have the number.”

“It should be in my phone,” Emily said, handing it to him.

“Great! I really want to take Crystal somewhere special for our first date. Do you mind?” he asked, holding up Emily’s phone.

“No,” she said with a strained smile, that lasted while Sheldon crossed the floor. “Hi – I want to make a reservation for Saturday night,” was audible before he closed the bedroom door.

“So – what are _we_ doing Saturday night?” Emily asked, turning to Sam and Casey.

“Uh – actually, _we_ were thinking,” Sam placed a hand on Casey’s shoulder, but the expression on her face, combined with the look on Emily’s made him change course and he finished, “…we were thinking we’d let you decide.”

**_“So that’s pretty much all the background you need for this story” –_ **

**_“What?”_ **

**_“This was just background?”_ **

**_“Well, yeah. The real story didn’t begin until” –_ **

Casey burst through the door and flung herself at Sam with an excited noise.

“Hey,” he said, amused. “So – what’s the great news you couldn’t tell me on the phone?”

Casey pulled back, smile wide and face animated. “My sister is coming to visit!”

*****

_**“Obviously, your Aunt Casey was excited.”** _

“ – so there’s the Museum of Indo-Canadian Cultural Heritage, the CN Tower, the Fort York National Historic Site, and the Music Gardens,” Casey said, as she carefully jotted each destination down in a small notebook. “Am I missing anything?”

“Fun?” Derek suggested, and she threw an irritated glance his way.

“It sounds great, Case, but – your sister has been to Toronto before, right?” Emily asked. “I mean, you both grew up here, didn’t you?”

“Emily means – enough with the tour-guide schtick,” Derek clarified.

Casey ignored him. “Well, yeah. I mean, until our parents divorced. And then – Dad moved to New York, and I went with him. And then there was college and work, and by the time I came back to Toronto, Lizzie was going to New York to study.” She sighed. “It’s like – we’re never in the same place at the same time.”

Emily, Sheldon and Sam all made sympathetic faces, while Derek mused, “So, what you’re saying is – your sister has excellent timing.”

She glared. “What I’m _saying_ is that Lizzie and I are close – we’ve _always_ been close…just not – geographically speaking. So it’s going to be fun to finally have a chance to do sister-things together.” She smiled, and her eyes met Sam’s. “I can’t wait for her to meet everyone.” The happy look disappeared as she looked at Derek, and she amended, “Well…almost everyone.”

 

*****

 

**_“Kids, I was less excited. Mostly because” –_ **

“Is everything okay, Sam?” Casey asked. “You’ve been really quiet all night.”

Sam shook his head. “I’m not feeling so great.”

She eyed him with concern, and put a hand on his forehead. “You look pale.”

“Maybe your spell is wearing off,” Derek said, regarding the two of them with interest.

“Are you okay? Do you think you’ll be able to drive to the airport tomorrow?”

Sam waved her worry away. “Sure – a good night’s rest and I’ll be fine by tomorrow.”

**_“But by the time tomorrow rolled around, I could barely get out of bed.”_ **

“I’m sorry,” Sam said, and coughed. 

Casey placed a jug of water and a glass on his locker, then sat on the bed. “Don’t worry about it,” she said, and brushed his hair off his forehead. “This gives me and Lizzie some quality sister bonding time. Can I get you anything else?”

Sam managed a weak shake of his head, and Casey got to her feet. “Remember to stay hydrated,” she told him.

 

*****

 

**_“Kids, by now you should have realised that your Aunt Casey had a specific plan for her sister’s visit. But, almost from the start, things didn’t go according to that plan.”_ **

“Lizzie!” Casey waved, and almost hit another bystander in the face with the bouquet of flowers in her hand.

Lizzie waved back and made her way over, where Casey bestowed a crinkly sounding hug on her. “It’s so great to see you,” she said, pulling back.

“You too,” Lizzie said.

Casey remembered the flowers. “These are for you,” she said.

Lizzie took them in. “Wow,” she said, a little non-plussed. “They’re – really nice. But you really didn’t have to” –

Casey batted her hand in an ‘it was nothing gesture’. “I’m just so glad you’re here,” she said. “I have everything planned out – we are going to have such a good time. First of all, we’re going to have lunch. I have a great place booked” –

“Great,” Lizzie said, as she hoisted her bag on her shoulder and adjusted the flowers in her arms. “Do I have time to drop my bag at Jenny’s?”

“Who’s Jenny?” Casey asked.

“The friend I’m staying with. I thought I emailed you about it…”

“You did,” Casey said, sounding a little thrown. “But I just thought you were just – being polite. You know – that you didn’t want to presume that you could stay with me. But of course you can – I’m your _sister_ , and you don’t need to be polite with me.” She smiled. “You can do whatever you want.”

“Oh,” Lizzie said. “Okay. Well, in that case, I think I’ll stay with Jenny.”

Casey blinked. “What? But I just told you that you could stay with _me_.”

“Yeah…but you also told me I didn’t have to be polite, and that I could do what I wanted,” Lizzie pointed out. “Plus I already told Jenny I’m staying with her.”

“Oh,” Casey said.

 

*****

 

“And now it turns out _Jenny_ was invited to some party and wants to bring Lizzie along,” Casey said, twisting pasta around her fork. She sighed. 

Emily patted Casey’s shoulder, while huddled on the couch, Sam moaned, presumably in sympathy.

“It’s just not fair,” Casey said. “I hardly ever get to see Lizzie, and the one time I do, this ‘Jenny’ is monopolizing her. We’re totally behind schedule on my Sister Itinerary.”

“I know what you mean,” Emily said. “I’m going through the same thing with Sheldon. I mean – it’s Saturday night, and he’s out with Crystal.” She looked down at her plate. “He used to be mine on Saturday nights.”

“We always had so much fun when we were together,” Casey said.

“I know,” Emily agreed. “I always had fun with Sheldon. And weirdness,” she admitted conscientiously. “But mostly fun.” She hunched in her seat. “And now – now he’s out having fun with someone else.”

“I don’t want that to happen to me and Lizzie,” Casey said. “I want her to have fun with _me_.” She bit her lip. “What should I do?”

“You need to one-up Jenny,” Emily told her. “Like I’m doing with Crystal. She gets Sheldon tickets to a concert – I get backstage passes. She takes him out to a four star restaurant – I get him a pack of Chocolate Cherry Wagon Wheels.”

Casey frowned.

“He really likes them,” Emily explained.

“One-up Jenny,” Casey repeated. “I could do that. I mean – the Sister Itinerary is full of exciting, stimulating activities.”

“Uh-huh. It is – full of activities,” Emily agreed, face carefully blank.

On the couch, Sam shivered.

 

*****

 

_**“So the next morning, your Aunt Casey began her campaign to sweep her sister off her feet. It didn’t go well.”** _

“You know what we’re doing right now?” Casey asked.

“Um…having a banana milkshake?” Lizzie hazarded.

Casey shook her head, and Lizzie examined her milkshake glass suspiciously.

“We’re making a memory,” Casey said. “Isn’t it great?”

“I…guess,” Lizzie said. “It is a – pretty good milkshake.”

“And after this, we get to go and see a seminal interpretation of _La Boheme!_ ” Casey beamed. 

Lizzie played with her straw. “About that…”

 

*****

 

“ – so they’re going to see some movie, instead,” Casey said. She played with her glass.

“Maybe you should look on the bright side,” Sam said thickly. “I mean, it did give us an opportunity to spend some time alone.” He pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders and sneezed. One of the two eucalyptus candles on the table flickered, creating strange shadows.

Casey passed him a tissue and said, “I know – and this is really nice,” she took a deep, eucalyptus-scented breath, “- and antibacterial. I just…I don’t know what to do about Lizzie.” She thought for a moment. “Maybe I should talk to her – tell her how I feel.”

“No – what you need to do is back off,” Derek advised from the couch, through a mouthful of cereal.

“Maybe backing off is what an emotional slacker such as yourself would do – but I believe my relationship with Lizzie is worth fighting for.” Casey stopped, and frowned. “And what are you even _doing_ here?”

Sam sagged back in his chair. “Actually, I’m relieved.” He coughed. “I thought he was a hallucination.”

*****

_**So, in the end, your Aunt Casey raided our fridge and waited outside Jenny’s apartment.** _

“Casey?” Lizzie stopped and exchanged glances with the girl at her side, while Casey scrambled to her feet.

“Hey!” she said. “How was the movie?”

“Um. Good,” Lizzie said. “I thought you said you were going to spend some time with Sam.”

Casey waved a dismissive hand. “Oh, he passed out hours ago. So I thought I’d stop by and…we could have some girl talk.” She held up the paper bag full of food and shook it enticingly.

The two girls shared another look.

 

*****

 

**_“And couple of hours of girl-talk followed. And things probably would have ended okay, if Jenny hadn’t said” –_ **

“So, did you decide what to do about Jamie?” 

Lizzie shook her head and Casey asked, “Who’s Jamie? One of your friends?”

Lizzie made violent throat-cutting gestures in Jenny’s direction, but Jenny was scraping out the last spoonful of ice-cream, and didn’t see this. “You could say that,” she said. “He’s her boyfriend.”

Casey blinked. “He is? You have a boyfriend, Liz? When did that happen? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought I did,” Lizzie said. “It must have slipped my mind.”

“Oh,” Casey said. “Well…I guess that could happen. I mean, if you two just started going out” –

“Please – they’ve been dating for months,” Jenny volunteered, waving her spoon in the air. “He’s even asked Lizzie to move in with him.”

Casey stared at Lizzie. “You have a boyfriend I didn’t know about, and you’re thinking about moving in with him?” Her mouth opened and closed as she searched for an adequate response. She settled on, “Does Mom know?”

“It’s not a big deal,” Lizzie said.

“Liz” –

“ _Casey_ – it’s not a big deal,” Lizzie said again, emphasizing every word. Her eyes stayed focused on Casey, unblinking.

Casey swallowed. “It’s not a big deal,” she said.

 

*****

 

“Not a big deal?” she said to Sam and Emily. “How can it not be a big deal? Lizzie has a secret boyfriend, and she’s moving in with him! That’s the exact opposite of ‘not a big deal’!”

“Maybe she just forgot to mention him to you – like she said,” Emily suggested.

“I talk to Lizzie every Tuesday night at eight p.m.,” Casey said. “There’s no way she forgot to tell me. No – she’s hiding him from me.”

“But why would she hide the fact that she has a boyfriend from you?”

“Exactly!” Casey said. “Why would she hide it…unless she was _ashamed_ of him? She knows he’s not the right guy for her, and if she told me…she’d have to accept that. Subconsciously, she knows she’s rushing in to this relationship.”

“So, what are you going to do?” Sam asked.

“I’m going to do exactly what a big sister should do,” Casey said. “I’m going to tell her she’s making a huge mistake.” She turned to Emily. “Tomorrow night, when we all go out for dinner, I’m going to lay the groundwork. Then – after our meal, I’m going to take Lizzie aside and talk to her…sister to sister. What do you think?”

“I guess that’s” – Emily began, only to trail off at the sound of the door opening, and Sheldon walking in.

He stopped when he saw Emily. “Hi.”

“Hi,” she said. “How was your day?”

“Good,” he said. “Good.”

There was a silence, that Emily broke by asking, “So…are we still on for tomorrow night?” She smiled at him.

“Yeah – about that,” he said, and Emily tensed. “I accidentally double-booked. I totally forgot that I made plans with Crystal for tomorrow night…”

Casey suddenly pretended to be extremely focused on a magazine on the coffee table, while Sam choked down a sneeze.

“Oh,” Emily said. “That’s um – that’s okay. I guess we can always reschedule.” The smile remained on her face, but it had hardened into something unnatural.

“But I don’t want to reschedule,” Sheldon said. “And it’s not fair to you. I mean – it’s not your fault that I forgot about Crystal…”

Emily watched him with hopeful eyes. “So – what are you saying, Sheldon?”

“I’m saying…is it okay if I invite Crystal along?”

“You want to invite Crystal on our date,” Emily said slowly. She stared at Sheldon, who looked attentively back, waiting for her answer.

Suddenly, a change came over her. She straightened up, and in a very different voice, she said, “You know what? Go ahead. You _should_ ask her to go.”

“Great!” Sheldon said. He took a step towards her and placed a hand on her shoulder. Softly, sincerely he said, “I realize it’s hard for you to choke down your jealousy and pain at seeing me in the company of another woman, but – I want you to know that…I really appreciate this, Em.”

He patted her shoulder again, before heading towards his room. Without turning around, Emily muttered, “Don’t mention it.”

As soon as his bedroom door shut behind him, Casey tossed aside the magazine and got to her feet. “Em – what are you doing?” she demanded.

“Scoring points with Sheldon?”

“Yeah – by letting some other woman gatecrash your date.” She stopped, and wondered, “How am I going to explain _this_ to Lizzie?”

“Relax,” Emily told her. “It’s not like Crystal’s going to go. I mean – who would say yes to that?”

 

*****

 

**_“As it turned out…”_ **

“Oh my god – Emily, right? It’s so nice to meet you – finally put a face with the name, you know?”

"...great," Emily said.

"So..." Crystal looked between her and Sheldon, "You two used to be engaged. And now you're not. Wow."

"Yeah, but - we're adults," Sheldon said. "We...rose above it."

"I'm so far above it I practically have vertigo," Emily said through a fixed smile.

"Wow," Crystal said again. "You two are so evolved. And by the way - your heart chakra is just beautiful."

Emily leaned in towards Casey and whispered, “I think I have food-poisoning.”

“We haven’t eaten yet,” Casey reminded her.

“We haven’t even been seated,” Lizzie chimed in.

**_“That was because” –_ **

“You’re late,” Casey said to Derek, as the waiter finally showed everyone to a table. Then she turned back and in a much lower voice, she said, “ _Thank you_.” She raised her eyebrows meaningfully.

“You’re welcome,” Derek said, with a smile that suggested that the recipient of said smile was crazy. 

When they sat down, Casey said, brightly, “I know it was a little annoying at first, but – I’m glad we waited.”

“You are?” Lizzie said, sounding confused. “They gave away the table you booked.”

“I know – but, Lizzie, that table wasn’t right for us,” Casey insisted, with earnest eyes. “We waited and we got a _better_ table – see, this one has a view!”

“Yeah. Of the kitchens,” Lizzie pointed out, less than impressed.

“Menus!” Emily said suddenly. “We should look at our menus!”

“Great idea!” Crystal approved. She held up her menu, sharing it with Sheldon. “They do the most _amazing_ bruschetta – we should split, Sheldon!” Absently, she asked Emily, “What do you think you’ll get?”

“Does it really matter?” Emily said, with a tight smile, as she looked at Sheldon and Crystal’s heads, bent close together over the menu. “When it’s all just going to come up again anyway.”

A couple of minutes later, the waiter stopped at the table and asked, “Is everyone ready to order?”

There was a chorus of nods and table-wide agreement, but before anyone could give their order, Casey suddenly said, “Can you give us a few more minutes?”

Everyone stared at her as the waiter left.

“You know, this is _exactly_ what I thought dinner with you would be like,” Derek said.

“What was that about?” Lizzie asked. “I thought we were all ready to order.”

“I know you _think_ you’re ready to order, Lizzie, but – believe me, it’s better to wait. That way you know exactly what you want.”

“But we all already knew” –

Lizzie stopped suddenly, the expression on her face changing from one of confusion to dread. “This isn’t about ordering food, is it?”

“What?” Casey’s laugh was a little high-pitched. “Of course it is!”

Lizzie’s shoulders slumped with relief.

“But – if you’re finding a message here that you could apply to…other areas of your life…like, say, about _waiting_ , for example – well, that’s great! You should _respect_ that message, and not move in with Jamie!”

Derek took a roll from the bread-basket. 

“Casey – don’t do this,” Lizzie half-whispered.

“I mean – look at Sheldon and Emily!” Casey continued, as if she hadn’t heard. “They rushed into an engagement and now look at them! They’re here on a date with another woman!”

“Wow. Thanks, Case,” Emily said.

“Casey…” Lizzie drew the word out, warningly.

Casey didn’t seem to notice, addressing Emily and Sheldon. “I’m sorry – but, you have to admit it, don’t you? I mean – if you two hadn’t rushed into things, you wouldn’t be here now.”

Sheldon nodded. “She does have a point, Emily. Face it – we probably should never have gotten engaged.”

Emily stared at him. “What? No. No! That’s not true. Okay, it didn’t end so well, but…you can’t just – write off _everything_ we had because of that.”

“You know, I think I’m with Emily,” Crystal said. “You guys had some good times, and this kind of negative energy just leads to bad karma. You need to do what Emily’s doing, Shel – accept the good, as well as the bad, and move on.”

Emily looked at Crystal, bewildered, as if she was seeing her for the first time. Her eyes turned to Sheldon, and she said, “I can’t do this anymore.” She got to her feet. “We need to talk. Now.”

“See – does that look like fun?” Casey asked, gesturing at Emily, pulling Sheldon out of the restaurant. 

“Casey…” Lizzie said again, shaking her head.

“Because it’s not – it’s fallout!”

Lizzie slapped her hands down on the table. “Stop it!” she said. Casey jumped. “I knew it – I knew you were going to do this. You _always_ do this.”

“What – Lizzie, I was just” –

“Butting in? Yeah, I noticed.”

“I was just trying to be a good big sister.”

Lizzie made a frustrated sound. “You don’t get it, do you?”

“Get what? Lizzie” –

“Every time we’re together, it’s like – we can’t ever just go out for a banana milkshake…it has to be the _best_ banana milkshake in the world! And we can’t ever just _talk_ about normal stuff – we have to have share every single little detail, because that’s supposed to prove that we’re the best sisters ever, or something. Well, guess what? It doesn’t prove anything, because I don’t want to share with you!” Lizzie’s chair scraped back with an angry sound, and Lizzie herself dashed towards the bathrooms.

Casey just sat there, stunned. “My sister hates me,” she said quietly.

Derek offered her the bread-basket. She started to cry.

Derek regarded her with apprehension. “Oh – no. Don’t do – that,” he said, waving the bread-basket wildly.

“Why not? My sister _hates_ me,” she said, in between sobs.

“You should probably comfort her,” Crystal said. “She’s upset, and she left her spirit animal at the door. It’s a dog,” she explained, “And the restaurant doesn’t allow pets.” She turned to Casey, “He’s really well-trained by the way – congratulations.”

Casey buried her face in her hands – which did little to disguise the choking sobs.

Derek stared at her in confused horror. “Stop.”

“I don’t think that’s going to work,” Crystal said. “By the way, has anyone ever told you, you’re completely out of emotional alignment? Have you ever considered Angel Healing?”

“Okay…as much as I enjoy seeing you suffer,” Derek said, nudging a napkin towards her, “You need to stop.”

“I can’t,” Casey gasped out, grabbing the napkin and wiping her eyes. “Lizzie hates” –

“She doesn’t _hate_ you, Drama Queen,” he said, matter of factly. “You had a fight.”

Casey shook her head. “We’ve never had a fight before,” she said. “Not like this.”

“You’ve just touched down on the planet Reality,” he told her. “Enjoy your stay.”

She sniffed, and looked at him, eyes watery and full of trust. “What should I do?” Her hands reached out towards him, as if she was subconsciously requesting a hug, and Derek immediately flung himself back in his chair. “Yhhg – no! No! We’re not doing _that_ ,” he said.

“What?”

He flicked a finger towards her still slightly outstretched arms. “The comforting thing,” he said. “You need – Sam for that.”

“Sam’s not here,” she said, voice wobbling. “So he _can’t_ comfort me.”

“Good,” Derek said immediately.

“What?”

“I mean – you should call him.”

“I should call him,” she nodded, and fumbled her cell phone out of her purse. She looked down at it for a moment, running her thumb across the screen. “He always knows what to do. And he knows _me_. He’s the one who told me I needed to back off with Lizzie.”

Derek stared at her. “Give me the phone,” he said.

She looked up at him. “What?”

“Give me the phone,” he repeated, and took it from her hand.

“But you just told me to” –

“And now I’m telling you something different. Keep up.” He stood up.

“Where are you going?” Casey clutched at his shirt.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Derek said. “But Sam is. He’s going to fix this. Because this is _his_ job.”

“What?” Casey called after him as he moved away. “Derek!”

She frowned in confusion, and Crystal piped up, “Hey – I don’t mean to bring up a sensitive subject, but…you have a dark spot on your aura, and I have a really great spiritual cleanser that might take care of it, if you want…”

 

*****

 

**_“Kids, when your Uncle Derek called, I was in bed, and…thanks to my flu medication, not exactly ‘with it’…”_ **

“H’lo,” Sam said, pressing the phone against his ear.

“Sam – hey.”

“Derek? What are you doing here?”

“I’m not there, dude.”

“Oh that’s good – because I can’t see you,” Sam said, squinting around his room.

“Yeah….okay. Good news, buddy – you’re up.”

Sam stared at the ceiling. “I am?” he wondered.

“You know how sometimes you try and say nice things about Casey but I never let you?”

“Mmm.”

“Well, in a couple of minutes, you can let it rip. Every cutesy character trait, every thoughtful gesture, every way too sweet moment that makes me want to poke my eyes out with a stick. You can dig out your I Heart Casey fan badge and go wild.”

“Mmm,” Sam agreed happily.

 

*****

 

When Lizzie came out of the bathroom, a few minutes later, Derek was waiting for her. “What do you want?” she said. “If Casey” –

“You need to listen to this,” Derek said, thrusting the cell phone at her.

“What is it?”

“The flip-side of the Casey coin,” he said, and when she made no move to take it, he explained, “Her boyfriend.”

Lizzie still looked reluctant, and Derek rolled his eyes and slapped the cell phone into her palm. “You need to hear this.”

Lizzie sighed, but brought the phone up to her ear. She listened in silence for a few moments, expression unchanging, before handing it back to Derek. “He sounds as smothered as I feel.”

Derek held up the phone and listened. From the other end of the line came the distinct sounds of heavy, congested sleep.

 

*****

 

**_“Meanwhile, your Aunt Emily and your Uncle Sheldon were having a discussion – one of the most important discussions of their lives.”_ **

“Emily – is something wrong?” Sheldon asked, as he was dragged out onto the sidewalk.

“Yeah,” she said, releasing him, and folding her arms. “Something is wrong.” She bit her lip. “Look – I know I’m the one who left, so I don’t know if I have any right to say this, but…I can’t do it.”

“What?”

“I can’t watch you date other women, and pretend that’s okay with me,” she said. “I don’t know – maybe that means I don’t love you enough, or I’m too selfish, but…if I can’t be with you, _all_ of you – then I can’t be with you at all.”

Sheldon looked at her. “How can I believe that I’m really what you want this time?”

She looked right back at him. “You have to trust me.” She took his hand in both of hers.

“And what if I can’t?” he asked.

“Then you need to break up with me, so that I can start getting over you,” she said.

There was a pause as Sheldon thought about this. “Will we still see each other – as friends?”

She shook her head. “I don’t think I can be your friend, Sheldon. That’s not enough for me.” She let go of his hand and took two steps back, creating a distance between them.

“Okay,” Sheldon nodded. “Then – I guess there’s only one thing to do.”

“Yeah,” Emily agreed. She tried to smile and wiped at her eyes with her sleeve.

“I’m going to go back in there and break up with Crystal.”

She froze. “What did you say?”

“I’m going to break up with Crystal.”

“But…” She stopped. “Are you sure?”

Sheldon shrugged. “You can’t see me with other women…I can’t _not_ see you. It seems like the best solution.”

She moved closer. “Sheldon – are you sure?” she asked again, urgently.

“Yeah,” he said, as they studied each other. “I’m sure.”

The next moment, there was a flurry of arms that ended with Sheldon and Emily clutching each other tightly.

“Besides,” Sheldon said, in a voice that was only slightly shaky, “I guess I was kind of hoping you’d sweep me off my feet.”

 

*****

 

**_“Inside the restaurant, another important discussion was happening.”_ **

“Is that is?” Lizzie asked, nodding towards the cell phone in Derek’s hand.

“Yeah,” he said. Then, “No.” He pulled her away from the door of the restroom, and said, “The share-y, care-y, way too involved thing? That’s Casey. That’s part of her” –

“Charm?” Lizzie finished skeptically.

“I was just going to say ‘part of her,’” Derek said. He expelled a breath. “But – it could be worse.”

“How?”

He raised one shoulder slightly, a half-shrug. “She could not-care,” he said, as he absently passed the cell-phone from one hand to the other. “You could not-matter to her. Which – probably sounds good in theory, but…believe me, that would probably suck too." He cleared his throat. "And hey - it's not like you have to deal with this stuff _all the time_.”

Lizzie didn’t say anything, staring down at the carpet and frowning.

“Plus she’s your sister,” he said. “And she’s not going anywhere, so…maybe you need to work it out.”

Finally Lizzie sighed and said, “Where is she?”

 

*****

 

**_“It’s probably a good thing I fell asleep before your Uncle Derek handed over the cell phone. It’s not like he needed me in the end, anyway…”_ **

“Thanks for giving me a second chance,” Casey said, on the way to Jenny’s apartment. 

“It’s okay. He was right – you’re my sister, and you’re not going anywhere.”

“I’m sorry,” Casey said, on the way to Jenny’s apartment.

Lizzie flicked a sideways glance at her. “Me too,” she said.

“I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“I know,” Lizzie said. “It’s just…it’s like – there’s all this pressure to be the best big-and-little-sister team ever…and sometimes that’s hard to live up to.”

Casey stopped on the sidewalk, and grasped Lizzie’s shoulders. “How do I fix it?” she said. “Tell me what to do, and I’ll do it. Whatever it takes, Lizzie.”

Lizzie considered. “You could call me on Tuesday.”

Casey frowned. “But I always call you on Tuesdays.”

“I know.” Lizzie smiled, and after a second, Casey smiled back.

“And maybe,” Lizzie continued, as she faced forward and started walking again. “Maybe sometime we could go out for a banana milkshake… _just_ a banana milkshake?” Her steps slowed a little as she waited for Casey’s response.

“I’d like that,” Casey said.

 

*****

 

**_“Later that night, your Aunt Casey stopped by the apartment, to thank me for saving her relationship with her sister.”_ **

“ – whatever you said, it worked,” Casey said, smiling down at Sam. She knelt down by the head of the bed and took his head in her hands. “Thank you,” she said sincerely, and kissed his forehead.

“Casey,” Sam said. He beckoned her with his finger – though she was so close to him that doing so almost caused her to lose an eye. “My skin is too tight,” he whispered, as if confiding a great secret.

*****

**_“…you know, Dad – I’m not even surprised any more. I mean seriously – you just – and then – but no! And you’re still dating Aunt Casey!”_ **

**_“I know. Believe me, I know. But on the bright side, this story about Dad’s mucus and his equally gross physical relationship with Aunt Casey has deadened me inside.”_ **

**_“Good – because we’re just getting started.”_ **


End file.
